Thursday, April 24, 2014

Two States- The Story of "Life After" Marriage

This blog post had been running in my mind since long; especially, after I watched the movie, ‘2 States.’ Though, I thought that I should write a review, but then, it would have been the same as any other review. Hence, I decided to delve into another angle, which I pondered upon while watching the movie.

The movie, which is an adaptation of a novel, ‘2 States- The story of my marriage,’ by Chetan Bhagat, does not need any introduction or conclusion. It very succinctly reflects the basic idea of a love marriage in India. Love marriage, that too, between two people belonging to two different states. As Chetan Bhagat mentioned in the book, and like Arjun Kapoor says in the movie, [What is most important in a marriage?- Love. But In India, marriage is a slightly longer process. It is not only about love between a guy and a girl. But also, the guy’s family has to love the girl; the girl’s family has to love the guy. The guy’s family has to love the girl’s family and vice versa. And, in between, all this, if there is still time left, the guy and the girl can think of loving each other.] This is not a myth but a fact, which Chetan Bhagat had proved long back when he wrote this book.

Now, you must be wondering, what am I trying to convey through this post? Very Simple. I really wish, or rather hope that Chetan Bhagat writes a sequel to this novel, which should be titled ‘2 States- The Story of My Life After Marriage.’ Well, I really won’t mind writing this sequel though, if Chetan Bhagat has his hands tied with work. :-D However, it might become a copyright issue then, which I definitely wouldn’t want to land myself into, through my debut novel. Hence, I thought why not give some guidance or some points to ponder over for Chetan Bhagat, if he enthusiastically decides to write a sequel.

In the book as well as in the movie, we see how Krish and Ananya triumph over all odds to finally land themselves in a happily-married life. The ordeal of getting each other’s parents convinced, the likes and dislikes of each family, the mingling of cultures, rituals and families etc all are finally achieved by the couple. In the process, both of them suffer emotionally and mentally. Despite all the support, love and trust, they do part ways for a while, thinking this will never work out. But, finally, all is well that ends well.

Haven’t any of you ever thought about the post-married life of Krish and Ananya? Why go that far. Look around, am sure we have friends, acquaintances, colleagues, who would have had inter-caste, inter-state, inter-religion marriages. While for some, the road to marriage might have been an easy ride; for others, it wouldn’t have been less than a path full of thorns. And, finally, if all goes well, and you are able to convince right from your great grandfather to the distant cousin of your father/mother/uncle/aunt; you can get married. However, how far does this marriage tantamount to “And-they-lived-happily-ever-after” phase depends. I am not cautioning you or letting you be prejudiced towards love marriage. I am just trying to convey through this post, what a majority of people go through post the marriage, especially if it’s an inter-caste/religion/state marriage.

If you thought, adjustments are to be made only “before” the marriage; then, let me tell you folks! It is not so. Once married this is what all you ‘might’ have to do:
Adjustments all around- You have to ‘adjust’ to a lot of changes that take place suddenly around you. From your sleeping time, to bathing time, to working time, to eating time; everything changes or has to be ‘adjusted’ according to your in-laws’ schedule.
Follow the cultures/rituals: Once these minor adjustments are done, arrives adapting yourself to their culture/rituals. This can vary depending on the caste/religion you are married into. While, some in-laws are considerate enough to let you follow the customs/rituals till the extent you can, there might be a few, who would want you to follow each and every step religiously.
Turn multi-lingual- This is valid in those cases where the wife and the husband belong to different linguistic communities. Be ready to be bombarded with questions like “Oh s/he doesn’t know the language yet? You should make him/her learn the language.’ And, if you fail in your endeavor then that too it’s your fault. “You are to be blamed, since you never speak to him/her in your mother tongue.”
Know the difference between sarcasm and seriousness- If you can’t differentiate between what’s serious conversation and what’s sarcastic, then what for have you both got married? Even if the sarcasm may sound like a serious conversation, pretend, you are a great exponent of sarcastic conversations.
Pamper your in-laws as much as you can- This HAS to be the motto of your life. Without this, you may never be able to make an impression on your husband or wife. :-D Remember, “in-laws khush to biwi ya pati bhi khush.’
Learn to be rational and balanced: Unless, you know what’s right and what’s wrong, you can never project yourself in a better position. In your efforts to convince either your in-laws or your better half, you may lose your way half way. Thus, whoever may be correct, you have to be rational or at least, pretend that you are, in your thinking and approach.
• Whatever be the circumstances, keep your love as it is: This is probably the most important point, post marriage. There will be differences, fights, arguments but in the end, the underlining thought is you got married because the two of you knew that you can be happy together ever after.

While fighting the obstacles, before and after the marriage, often couples forget that they got married because of their love, trust and understanding. If these fade away in trying to prove each other a point or the families a point, what’s the point of getting married?

I am neither an agony aunt nor a well-wisher, but a happily-married girl, who too has gone through similar phases of life, before and after the marriage. We learn each day from our efforts as well as our surroundings. Imbibe yourself with all the positivism you can, so that you do not have to arrive at a face-off position. The fruits will taste sweet if we carefully pluck them from trees.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Window

You have been there all this while,
Without moving anywhere, to change in style,
Oh! how will you move?
You are just another non-living creature,
merely a window, existing for the sake of it,
in every house or building or office or car;

But The Window,I am talking about,
does not exist 'merely,'
It is The Window, that has shown me everything

A tree stood tall outside it,
13 years ago;
It still stands tall,
only the leaves wither away every new season;

It is the same window, that has accompanied me
when I was low or happy;
I stared out of it into the sky
imagining where my life will be years down the line,
penning down some memorable poems, or
the love letter;

It stayed there, while my life moved from
childhood to adulthood;
I cried sitting next to it,
when I was reprimanded,
I cried sitting next to it,
when I missed my love,

The Window, is still there,
only the things outside have changed,
so has changed my equation with it,
I no longer sit everyday beside it,
For, I no longer live in that room,
Yes, this window, was a part of my room,
where I grew from a child to an adult,
from a school kid to a college youth,
from a spinster to a married woman;

The last I saw The Window,
it was still the same,
the curtains,
the grills,
the paint,
the panes,
The only change was,
the people and its surroundings,
the life and its phases.

Monday, April 14, 2014

The Road to a Successful Marriage

Disclaimer: This post was written for a website, however, since I did not get any revert with respect to the post; I decided to upload it on my blog. These are my personal views. They might be different from others. So, please read it keeping an open mind :-)

"To Love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something but to be loved by the one you love is everything"- Paulo Coelho

Indeed, love is not a thing but a feeling that is felt by each one of us. Often this love culminates into a beautiful relationship giving birth to marriage. But as time elapses, this beautiful relationship turns into something that we are alien to. Why does it happen? Don’t you feel like celebrating the 25th 50th or 75th many such jubilees with your better half? Of course, you do. Let us observe what makes a marriage successful.

For any marriage, be it love or arranged, the first and most important thing is to build trust. Once you are married to someone, that person not only becomes your husband or wife but shares a part of your life like your parents or siblings. Hence, it is important that you develop a bond of trust so that if a situation ever arose on whether a decision can be left on either of you, the other person should have the confidence in the decision-making power of the other.

Naturally, if you build trust, you are bound to understand each other well. Your positives, negatives, shortcomings all go ignored or are well understood by your better half. The more you understand the situation that your better half is in, the easier it becomes for him/her to talk to you. Moreover, it builds an environment, where a husband or a wife can freely discuss about issues that they might not be able to share with their parents or friends.

Coming to friends, we all have that one friend who is either our partner in crime or is the one on whose shoulders we can rely.
Why not make your better half that friend? Every relation needs to have a friendly touch to it. Being friends does not mean just to hang out and enjoy your time over the weekends. Remember? A friend in need is a friend in deed? Who better can manage to be your friend in need than your better half? From rescuing you from the scrutinizing tone of your in-laws to making you strong enough to face the wrath of your bosses at work; they can give you the best of company at 3 in the night and be your agony aunt whenever you are in doubt. So make your spouse your friend and you shall always have the trust and understandings develop mutually.

Further, giving space to each other is also another important mantra to keep in mind for a successful marriage. Never try to crossover your spouse’s life. Everyone has their own way of leading a life. Till the time, their ways and terms are not hampering your relationship, why bother by suppressing their desires. The more space you give your spouse, the less nagging and aggressive they will be towards you. Moreover, if you are receiving ample love, care and attention from your spouse, why not reminisce those by letting them be in their own space.

If trust, understanding, giving space and being friends with each other helps nurture a beautiful relationship, it is obvious that love will bloom. It is not necessary that you have to have a love marriage to understand the true essence of love. An arrange marriage too can lead to a beautiful culmination of love that you might never have experienced before.

Be a patient listener. Listen to what your spouse has to say at the end of the day. There might be things that may have hurt them; there might be things that are troubling them. Listening and comforting them, could be the best solution for them at that moment.
If one has to chart down the tips for a successful marriage, the list may go on and on. It might not be necessary that every couple will follow the same points. With every couple, situation will be different so will be the surroundings. Time and again, they will grow together to understand how to tackle a particular situation together. A marriage not only means coming together of two people. It also leads to building a relationship that can last forever, if handled with maturity and care.

Wither Away

Wither away, you sadist
My heart spurns to accept you;

Wither away, you nihilist
Because my mind can judge what's credible;

I Strive to achieve what looks distant
I wouldn't be crestfallen however hard you may try;

Wither away, you ludicrous thought
For I ain't gullible as you may have perceived.