I struggled but overcame - Post for a Contest by Chennai Bloggers Club

I have been thinking of writing for this post since long. But somehow the fact that I had ‘struggled’ and overcame those struggles to reach where I am today made me feel miserable. Not that my struggles are probably the toughest. I am sure many other fellow bloggers, and for that matter, every person has had their own share of struggles, some worse than mine, some better. Guess that’s the beauty of a struggle. It took me quite some time to figure out what has been the most daunting task for me till date. And, have I been able to overcome it?

I don’t know which was harder – to take the decision of changing streams in Class XII, or to take up Journalism in IIMC when I could clear no other exam for a Post-Graduation. Or was it the time when I was well settled in a job, but had to quit and move back to parents because of their insecurity with my relationship. No, may be, it was the time when I wouldn’t find a suitable job and work for peanuts as a Freelancer.

But, I think I can safely say I overcame all of these. I finished in top four in school as I changed from Science to Humanities, with my teachers being a huge support. I finished PG Journalism from IIMC, and got placed during the mandatory internship, at Deccan Chronicle- Hyderabad. I got married to the man I was in a relationship with, and just when things had fallen in line at home for me, I managed to find a job with one of the leading dailies of India.

To say that life that I now lead has been smooth since then would be an exaggeration. This is simply because I have learnt that struggles are not a mere phase, they are a vicious cycle. They keep occurring in one form or the other. The moment you realize you have had enough of it, you are ‘blessed’ with yet another form of struggle. Perhaps the only good thing about these times is that they make you stronger from within but not before they have caused you to emotionally break and mentally insane.

Mine has been an inter-caste and inter-state marriage. We had been in a relationship for over five years before we got married. Love marriages in our country bring with it an extra baggage of tension, trauma and what not. And, unless you have the level of understanding with your partner, you are likely to crumble down to the pressures that surround you. I have been lucky in that sense, I would say. While it has taken time to get used to a new family, new customs, new traditions and rituals, it has also been a journey of new learning about the partner – whom I had known for long. I have had my share of lows and highs, but amidst all those blocks of towering struggles – struggle to balance between both sides of the family, to maintain cordial terms with each other’s parents, to learn to unlearn things that had been fed into my mind since childhood, and many more -  I haven’t overcome but lost my own self. I may have overcome the struggles that are given the form of adjustment in Indian households. In trying to overcome those struggles, I have somewhere lost the path to what I had been years back. I don’t blame others but myself for being the cause of it. Had I not taken the mental pressure of all these petty issues, I would have been saner, calmer and happier.

Then came the little bundle of joy in our lives, which gave a new meaning to the word- struggle. He has taught me what struggle actually means. Till now, I had been so engrossed by the pressures of a family life, handling a new family, working in a new city, managing the house with language as a barrier between the help and me. The little bundle of joy brought with him a different sense of struggle. He ensured I realize what struggle means in reality.

Struggle is not what you perceive as struggle. Struggle is actually a scenario where you are helpless, where you don’t know which way to go, and how to reach your final destination. You are left disillusioned trying to grab hold of whatever little support you can to overcome the moment of exasperation. That is how motherhood has been for me. When I was pregnant, I would try and shun away the thoughts that enveloped my mind, mostly due to the people around me, about how it would be a difficult affair to be a mother, about how I would now realize what pains my parents took to bring me up, and so much more. All the while, I would try and make peace with the fact that – yes, it would be a tough one but WE will manage. Initially, it was tougher than we had imagined. With no support system, it was simply impossible to think or do tasks that would need more attention and time. But gradually, when my mind realized that it is a lone battle between me and the tough tasks that lie ahead of me, I decided to let them be. Thanks to my better half, I have managed to handle the responsibilities quite well. Though, what still remains a far-fetched dream is - a peaceful mind.

I am yet to come to terms with what I really want in life. Now that am a mother, who has learnt it the hard way to balance house and work, and yet is meant to be sane and sound; it is equally important for me to perhaps take an extra bit of effort to push my limits beyond what I am capable of. I guess it is time to discover the long lost me from the layers of Snehas that have developed over the years. I guess it is time to overcome, in genuine, the struggles that have deliberately caught me in the loop. For there is one thing that struggle teaches you- and that is - your struggles are your own, in order to overcome it, you will have to work on it alone. 

This post is a part of chennaibloggers.in - I struggled but overcame contest. 

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