Tete-a-Tete with God
She was lying on the bed with her baby curled beside her. As the baby breastfed, her line of thoughts waved from one thing to other. "Why are things like this?" "Am I really becoming an atheist?" "Will praying to God really solve my problem?"- her trail of thoughts broke as her child detached himself from her feed and slept off peacefully. She slowly tucked herself out of the bed and walked towards the hall.
Standing in front of the door that opened to the temple room in her house, she pondered whether to open or not. It had been months since she opened that door, lit a dia or agarbatti. Finally, she opened the door after much hesitation initially. She sat down to clean the floor that was filled with cobwebs and dirt, and the dried leaves of the flower that was last kept for performing the morning rituals.
Having cleaned the floor and the shelf on which were kept frames of not one but several gods and godesses, she sat down with her hands perched together in front of her in a prayer position. After stairing for a while at the frames that stood in front of her, she gathered the courage to utter a word.
"Dear God, I know it's been ages since I sat like this in front of you. So much so that a friend remarked the other day if I had turned into an atheist. I don't know. I am confused. I was tired, God. I was let down. I didn't know whether the effort to sit in front of you and pray for all the evils to disappear, would really work or no. I was losing the confidence, not just to sit in front of you but also to seek your help. Yet, today I sit here with hands folded. For me, all of you are one. I don't want to seek your help because that would be too selfish on my part. You are omnipresent, right? So you can surely see what's been happening in my life off late. You can see that despite my best efforts, things are turning against me and refuse to die down. You also know and can see that I have been making genuine efforts in ensuring things run smooth. Hence, I just want you to guide me. There has to be some place where I am going wrong. There has to be something where my efforts are not in sync with each other. I want you to guide me, God. Please help me. Please."
With that the tears that had been clogged in her eyes for the past few weeks, poured out like a river that overflows out of a strongly built dam. The strong persona that she had built inside herself gave way to the outer atrocities of the world.
Just after the conversation, she felt something within made her feel better. She couldn't understand whether it was the crying or the conversation with God that helped. All she knew was that her conversation had been heard.