Things that define me- A post for BlogAdda and Gillette Venus #UseYourAnd
“Sneha, what’s wrong with you sweetheart? You are not the one to be meek and coward. You are someone we have known as being bold, confident and strong. You have been brilliant in academics, you are happily married now and have a son; then what drives you to such stupid thoughts?,” said P, my school friend, when I confessed to my school friends’ group on WhatsApp one day that I was too low and felt suicidal.
I know suicide sounds too big a word. I never thought I would be writing about this experience of mine on a public platform like this. But I guess that is the experience which has made me realize my inner strengths and the ‘things that define me’ as a woman.
It is not that I needed the thoughts of death to remind me how strong a woman I was or I am. It is just that at times, when you are down and out, you think about the situations worse than that. That is the moment, when you realize you should be grateful to whatever you have at present than crib about things which shouldn’t matter to you.
One such day, when I had that dreaded thought, I realized what I had been missing out on. I had forgotten how it felt like to be carefree, happy-go-lucky, and enjoy life as it is. What’s even more distressing is the fact that it took my friend P to make me realize how I was or how I should be. Amidst all the crankiness and emotional breakdowns, I was oblivious to my inner strength. I wasn’t focusing on filling the so-called ‘void’ that I had been feeling rather I was focusing more on widening the ‘void’.
Like they say, it needs a failure to remind us of the success that we should aim for; this one distressing thought on an otherwise eventful day made me realize the ‘things that define me’ and how I should concentrate only on that.
I am strong not just for the sake of it. Rather, I am strong enough to face any adversity that comes my way [though for once, I did act otherwise. I have learnt my lesson now]. I have learned to let things go especially when it is spoiling the positivity around me. I have to enjoy life as it comes, without worrying about the future. The present should not be spoilt in my worrying about the future. I have to discover the happy-go-lucky-me, who has friends spread across the country and age groups, who is loved by everyone despite her flaws and who can live life to the fullest, as she desires. I have to get back the boldness and confidence that went missing amidst the changing relationship equations. Most importantly, I have to be me- love friends, music, family- shout at the top of my voice on winning something, jump with joy on achieving my desires, laugh out loud at the drop of a hat and sing (not hum) when my favorite music is played.
These are the things that define me- SNEHA. Does it define you in any way too? Then, do not stop yourself from letting loose. Live, laugh, love with life as it comes.