My Journey from 'or' to 'and'- a post for BlogAdda and Gillette Venus #UseYourAnd Initiative

“This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus“.

Six years ago, when I started this blog in 2009, I wasn't sure whether I would be able to do justice to it. Six years since then, in 2015, I am now typing my 93rd post. Ideally, it should have been more than this. Six years ago, I heard a voice, my inner voice, which was guiding me towards something which I wasn't supposed to have thought about. My life was in a fix between this 'or' that but wasn't ready to exist together with this 'and' that. 

Three years later, in 2012, I made sure this 'and' that existed together. I was given many a choices but I chose what I 'felt' was correct. Though in following my heart out, I lost a lot in the process, but as the saying goes, all is well that ends well, holds true for the situation I came out of. I don't know if what I did then can be considered as an inspiration but the result has indeed been a beautiful one with its own set of ups and downs. 

In a country like ours, we come across many news stories of honor killings. A couple is murdered because what they did was bringing 'bad name' to their caste. Little does a couple know while falling for each other that their blossoming romance can lead to a 'dead' end! Does it really matter that when you fall in love with someone, you see which 'caste', 'religion', or 'state' he belongs to? Or does this matter that the 'man' you fall in love with should have a fat 'pay check' so that he can meet all your demands while you sit back home and relax on the couch in front of the idiot box? Honestly, for me, these things neither mattered then nor hold any importance now. When I look at a man [now that am already married, it doesn't matter ;-)], I see him as a person, who would be understanding me, who would be my pillar of strength, who would not see me as a mere flesh to please his sexual desires, who would see me as his equal, who would want me to grow as much as he wants himself to grow- professionally and personally; most importantly, when I look at a man, I see him as someone who would be respecting me as much as he expects me to reciprocate. A mutual understanding and trust factor are more important in a relationship than a fat pay check or the caste/state/religion he belongs to. 

I fell in love with a man, who did not belong to my caste, in my second year of college. Five years later, in 2012, we got married as per our rituals and customs in front of our entire family sitting happily to bless the couple. Months before, or even years before, I wasn’t sure whether our relationship would bloom further into how we want it to be or whether it would meet the same old fate of ‘parting mutually.’ But somehow, we stuck on with it and I am glad we did it, together. 

Problems were aplenty for us. Hardly a few months into relationship, my husband G, got a work opportunity outside of the city I lived in. So, while I was in Delhi finishing my graduation, G was down south in Chennai, working with a multi-national firm. Initially, it seemed, the relationship wouldn’t last long. My friends felt, it was foolish of me to continue in a long-distance relationship- ‘you can’t trust a guy after all.’ But my heart knew that G wasn’t ‘just another guy.’ He proved me right at every step. We continued dating each other sitting far across the land. Phone conversations, which lasted until the stroke of morning light, had become a regular affair. We met once in six months, that too for merely three-four days [because he had to visit his family]. In fact, there came a time, when we met after one and half years.

While G settled down with his work down south, I struggled here to cope up at my home when my parents found out about it and refused to let me continue with the relationship. I realized that it was all over now and there was no looking back. But yet again, G proved me wrong. He stuck on to the relationship like he would never let it go. So I went against the promises I made to my parents, and followed my heart. I lost a lot in this tussle between parents and love. I had to quit my ‘first’ job and come back home because my parents wanted me to pursue further studies when the reality was that they wanted me to be in front of their eyes. I took up yet another job in Delhi, but quit it six months down the line, because a battle line had been drawn in my house and I had to choose between G ‘or’ parents. I wanted G ‘and’ my parents both, so I gave up the job to work freelance.

It continued for a period of six months, when one fine day, my parents realized that I wouldn’t budge and that they should take a decision. I convinced them to meet G at least once and then decide for themselves whether my decision is good or bad. Little did I know that my parents had already given a nod in their heart even before they went to meet G. Thus was finalized the date of marriage, to my disbelief, within a few minutes of G and his siblings meeting my parents.

I was numb with happiness. But I was worried too, because I did not have a job at hand. It seemed as though the universe was opening its arms to me. I was offered a job with a leading daily in the same city as G, three months prior to our marriage. My happiness had reached a crescendo. I couldn’t have asked for more. I was getting married to the man I loved and now had a job in the very profession I chose to be in since the beginning.

It will be three years, this February, since G and I got married. I am glad that I took charge of my life then and did not compromise. When my friends say that I am an 'inspiration' to them, I feel humbled. I do not think I am an inspiration as such. There are girls who would have had situations worse than mine. I just did what my heart wanted to. It was a tough stand and came with its own set of emotional and mental breakdowns.

The birth of our son, in 2014, has made that relationship a level more stronger. Through these three years of marriage, we have been through many ups and downs just like we had been through in the eight years of courtship. But as each day passes, and I wake up seeing the two ‘men’ in my life, I thank god for having given me the strength to not choose between this ‘or’ that but rather co-exist with this (G) ‘and’ that (my parents). It was definitely a bed of roses but with its share of thorns at every step.