The Heart That Refuses To Be

What is that heavy feeling in the heart? Have you felt that before? Have you noticed when it happens? Any particular time of the day, or any anxious moment, or just all through the day you feel your heart is heavy with a feeling that just refuses to come out. What do you do in such a circumstance? Do you pour your heart out to someone? Or do you tuck that feeling in your heart and go to bed with eyes wet? Or do you keep it within yourself till the time it just explodes and there is no way you can hold them back?

Do you feel the weight of that feeling in your heart, now that you are reading this post? You do. Even if you don't, you would soon after. My question or rather my point is, why does the heart feel so heavy at times? No, this is no love game. But a game bigger than you can probably imagine or you would want to imagine. It is not just always about love, breakups, lost friendships. Our heart bleeds for more reasons than one. It can be your failure to convey your feelings or emotional turmoil that you are going through. It can also be a void that's hard to be filled. It can be... It can be anything at all.

As I write this post, my heart too feels heavy from within. I do not know the reason behind it. I feel as if there is something that is just not going right despite my best attempts. I can feel the things fall apart. Yet, I comfort myself with the fact that it is better to vent out the emotional upheaval in order to maintain peace within. But why is it that even after emptying the confines of the heart, it still feels heavy? Where can I have possibly gone wrong? Do you feel the same at times? That despite your numerous attempts to make things fall in line, your efforts are in vain.

I have, I am, I will try to make my heart feel lighter. Be it through my conversations with friends, through my writings on the blog, through my thoughts penned in the diary, or even through solitary conversations with my self. If it still refuses to budge, I would let it be. How far can it go with a weight that is too hard to ignore? How far can it take the burden of anger, worry, fear, exhilaration,? At some point, the heart has to let it go. So what if it's through the tears that swell out of the eyes without knowing where to go?

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